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Well, I decided I needed a change. Say goodbye to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} sxzaygrland hello to arizonasfuryI have added everyone, so if u want to still have me on ur friends list, I will be using the new name from now on. =). part of the reason is the fact that i can't get my paid account back for sxzaygrl, I forgot the passwords etc. so *sigh*. but I've had this one for 2 and a half yrs...almost, so it's all good I guess. hope u all add me back. <3 current mood:  awake
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Soo...today started out gloomy as hell, but it's over now. Pulled myself together for my gyno appointment which went very well. And I am going to be starting Yasmin, as my birth control. After that, I went to work. I anticipated the worst...but it went very well. I was in a good mood for some reason. It was good to see everyone again. I am just...anxious to leave that place because of all the shit that has happened to me in the past 6 months working there. I work my ass off...and yet, I don't get a raise AND I get accused of stealing, AND I get my credit card stolen from ppl I work w/, and now more and more money is being stolen from others at work. It is not worth it anymore. It has to stop. I hate making friends w/ all these ppl..and then finding out that they are the ones stealing. it hurts a lot. I made myself vunerable, but it's like.... when u think u have made a friend, why would u really think they would steal from you, at least....if you thought they were a good person? I just don't readily assume that stuff. I like to give a fair chance, it's a shame that almost every time now.....my fair chances have only hurt me. And that my friend, is all that happened today. I have wednesday and saturday off, all day long. So if anyone wants to hang out w/ me, it would be appreciated....I definetly need friend time. DEFINETLY. current mood:  crushed
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Ok, first of all...I would like to say that NY can kiss my ass right now. Wanna know why? I'm gonna tell ya anyways. Strike #1: So, we leave for the airport early in the morning, only to discover that they wouldn't allow us to get to our plane because we weren't there an hr early. WE WOULD HAVE MADE THE FLIGHT TOO. so, Jer and I had to fucking sit around and wait another 3 and a half hrs till the next flight to Cleveland Ohio. ok, fine. Strike #2: We finally have a pretty decent flight..about 3 and a half hrs long. On this flight, they had this cool radar that would show us where we were EXACTLY in the US, how far we traveled, how much more time we had, the tempurature outside, etc. Well, as we were getting about....20 miles from the airport, and then flight time read 19 minutes... in the blink of an eye, we were suddenly going BACK WHERE WE CAME FROM.... Of course, the situation was weather, so I can't blame it. But when the new flight time read 54 minutes, I almost shit myself because our layover flight to Buffalo was in like 30 mins....NOT 54! I woulda been so pissed if we had to take ANOTHER flight home. We were already 4 and a half hrs behind schedule! The reason I was getting mad, was because you could see the plane on the screen SO CLOSE to the airport, and yet retreating...we did that about 3 times b4 we ended up landing. We got off of the plane, and I think god was on our side for once, b/c our flight to Buffalo wasn't even in yet. Strike #3: ok, things started to look up. We had a good 40 min flight from Cleveland to Buffalo. When we got off the plane and went to get our bags... Jeremy and I, already pissed off about other stuff....are informed that my car died on the way over to pick us up from the airport. How fucking convienient is that. So we had to sit around another half an hr, wait for the guy to come tow it etc. It could have been worse, I will admit. The ride home w/ the guy was nice. Jer and I just cuddled and cursed the fact that we ever came home. I think it was a sign personally...we should have never left. I felt discontent the moment I set foot off Arizona and on a plane I knew would be going....towards home. When we got to Cleveland, I was more unhappy. The closer we got to home, the more things sucked ass for us. need I say more? THANKS SO MUCH FOR BRINGING ME HOME. =(. sorry, I am just so JFUOIMREWMFN JS(*RE&#$UIJ FDSIJOI%IR)($#W*(UJIRJ#WM(O! I am moving to Phoenix now, I AM. IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. this place sucks. (for me) current mood:  enraged
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GRRRRRRRR I don't want to come home! I don't want to come home! did I mention, I don't want to come home?! Tonight is it....waking up at the crack of dawn to depart this....heavenly place. Next to home..it is. and, no I'm not talking about my household home..cuz that is by far one of the most important things in my life. Family. Always treated me well, I'm not that eagar to just leave them. but..it's everything else I could just take a few yrs away from. It's time for a change. NO matter how much my parents have that dream of me staying close by in syracuse for the rest of my life with them....noooooooo wayyyyyyyyyyyy joooooooseeeeeeeee. I just don't see it anymore. Great place to be raised, but not the type of place I want to be working and making my own life in. Going back home makes me feel like I'm stuck. *sigh* I'm going to come back.....for good someday, I will. I promise! current mood:  depressed
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1. You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. 2. In the process of courtship, the approach that would make you feel irresistable is straight-forward, just tell you he/she loves you. 3. The impression you would like to give to your lover is optimistic. 4. You don't like it when your partner is insecure. 5. The kind of relationship you would like to build with your partner is that both of you can talk about everything and anything, no secret is kept. 6. You care about the society and morality, you won't do anything wrong after marriage. 7. You think of marriage as a precious thing. Once you get married, you'll treasure it and your partner very much. 8. At this moment, you think of love as a committment for both parties. current mood:  amused
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Wow....I leave for Home in a lil more than 24 hrs... I am NOT thrilled by that fact.... It is not to say however, that I don't miss anyone... but...things have been nothing short of amazing here. I've been with Jeremy for 24 hrs a day, going on 15 days straight. We've actually gotten much closer. He and I have nothing really to argue about. Sure, we've had our frusterated moments with eachother, but that is a given. I notice when we are frusterated with eachother... for me, I am usually more frusterated with myself, for feeling so frusterated with him about something, because I don't want to feel a certain way about something, but I can't help it. and I feel bad because I can't help it, but I am frusterated with him because I feel it because of him...and it is vice versa with him. So usually, it is all very small kind of tension we have. I am grateful that we can talk to eachother about those things. Most people, not even my closest friends know of the tension we have had. I realize that it is probably a positive thing, because I have found that when you go and ramble about your loved one to someone else, and not tell them about it...you not only make the situation worse, but you are getting someone else involved and that can make your significant other...rather infuriated with the fact that you went around and said something about them, without talking it out first. I am so glad that he and I are open books to eachother about these kinds of things. NO DRAMA. holy shit! =). I've been learning so much about myself. I've had 2 weeks to relax and really be myself. No work, gym, school, worries about friends thinking certain things...etc. just Jeremy, 2 wonderful chocolate lab dogs, a beautiful home in a quiet neighborhood in Phoenix, his family and me. Going on eventful and beautiful trips....or just lounging around the house watching movies and getting to know one another. I don't want to come home to those...feelings. granted, not all of them are "bad" so to speak..but, a good majority I could do without...permanently I've actually made a few friends out here...(yea me, make friends...wow) I've gotten used to the time zone change and the heat especially. After one day of heat exhaustion, I was alllllll set...lol. but that is what I get for being out for 30 minutes in 115 degrees. yep. I am so sad to come home so soon. because, as soon as I get off that plane and drive the 2 hrs back to my house...vacation is over. lol. I will be unpacking all my stuff, going to bed and then waking up and cramming a bunch of shit I have to do before I work 4-close on Monday. You see why I'm not so chipper about all this? lol... And then, there are like 4 days left of July. Once August comes around....it is a reality check that school will start..SOON. I mean, I know I'm not going far away...but I was just getting started to having fun! lol. *sigh* Not looking forward to Fall at all. In fact, that season has always been the most depressing for me. Getting used to school, balancing that with the job and everything else isn't exactly able to happen all in a days work. lol. I burned myself out pretty good my first semester. I hope I can pace myself this time! lol. Just thinking of all this is just making me so anxious to go home! NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sigh* I'll get over it. ;). I'm not lazy, nor do I run away from things I don't want to really face, but godddddd damn, this was the best trip I have ever taken in my whole life! G'nite guys. I love you, Darcy current mood:  indescribable
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So, today Jeremy turned 22. we went out to dinner to celebrate and then we bought him a cake. Later tonight, we plan on doing lime shots =). Going to the grand canyon tomorrow.. I'll write about that when we get back! that is all for now guys! bye. current mood:  calm
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I've been sitting around the house here....pondering many things. I just got done reading Erin Youngs Journal, and it really made me think. I am in that kind of mood myself, where I feel....like I am going somewhere, I will be someone, I know who I am....and no one knows the whole story of me. Erin, I wish we talked more. You are a true friend, even if we don't see eachother like in High school. I only miss high school because of beautiful people like yourself that I have unfortunatly, gotten out of the loop with, so to speak. Things have changed....I know I have. I honestly think it is for the best. I've become more accepting to the "real world" as they say.... I remember feeling so scared, wondering if the path I take will be promising.....or one of MANY failures to come.... I still don't really know what profession I wish to take....I am getting a feel for things. I, like many...aren't just born to know, u know..like someone with a special talent in one specific area. In a way I envy those kind of people, but I guess I rather be well rounded and be equally talented in more than one thing. Today, I find myself.....becoming unhappy with myself only because I am not doing things on my own. I live at home, which is not a bad thing by any means..I am only 19. My parents have been nothing but....incredibly awesome and understanding throughout those 19 yrs. I thank god everyday for hearing my mother's prayer that she would be able to adopt a child. I can only hope I was what she had wished for. I have to spend the rest of my life thanking them for everything. That by no means is a complaint, I can't wait to get through college and get a real job, have a family and be the kind of mom my mother was and is, for me. I can't wait to return thanks for everything I have. I didn't deserve it all....nor did I earn it. Because of that, I am slowly trying to become independent. I will make myself learn finances if it KILLS ME. lol.... it seem so borring, but I need it. I am sick of being spoon fed. It has to stop sometime. I'm not so scared anymore. I realize I am not the smartest person, the most talented... but I can do things when I put my mind to them. Even though I work at Subway, yea I Know that says soooooo much..lol. But seriously, the way you work at your job, is the way you are. That is how you know how you are in any workplace. (that suits you of course). Believe it or not, I've learned a lot from working there.... mostly about how NOT to be. I work with people that...some of them, I don't think they can really read...cuz lord knows they can't spell worth shit. I feel sorry, but at the same time....they got themselves caught in that trap. Most of those ppl I work with are already beyond their naive mistakes, some...however, are just beginning. This, has to do with the incident of something being stolen, that I had mentioned in my most recent post. It makes me quite.....angry and almost frusterated with myself at the same time. Even though these ppl that I have come to befriend and talk with....are alittle...poor or lazy, I like them. Nothing against them. But I am so angry at the fact that more than one person I had trusted there....had totally abused me. I never did anything to any of them. Accused of the little scam they were in...and even when it was all said and done, to my dismay, I was informed that I was still being (excuse my language for a better term)... FUCKED in the ass for another whole month! Someone stole enough money from me... it is being taken care of thank goodness. Let's just say....300 more dollars and we have someone that is...gonna be charged w/ Grand Larsony. My blood is boiling, but only because of the simple fact that I know that who did this, thought they would get away with it. Laughing at my backside. Laughing at the fact that they went behind my back and took things from me. Tried to accuse me of it! I am not a bad person. I don't know how some people can live that way... I rather be just making ends meet with the money that I WHOLE HEARTEDLY EARNED,than be rich knowing that I didn't earn a dime of it. I'm sick of working hard and seeing lazy ass people who don't deserve a raise let alone that kind of money....the kind of people that bitch about not getting a raise yet they do SHIT and steal at the same time. I am frusterated at the fact that I let my guard down. That I didn't see it coming. I feel like the biggest dumbass ever. I Vow, to never steal from anyone. You get what you deserve in the end, you always do. There is no pride among thieves....or being a lazy ass rich person that doesn't deserve it. Besides, even if I did have that kind of money, If I was proud, it wouldn't be about how much I was making..it would be I GOT THAT FAR. HOW I EARNED ITsheesh....maybe I'm just dumb. I'm not bitter, I know this by no means classifies everyone. It only takes a few to ruin things for everyone. Well guys, I hope you understand....or can relate or something. Every word I just wrote.... God, it feels so good to have my feelings collected this way. Writing in here tonight has cleared and organized my mind. I know that I don't know everything, I know I haven't seen it all...but I don't want to be scared of it. I want to explore. I rather fail trying than sit back and do nothing for the rest of my life...wondering "what if". At least I tried, if I failed. We all have our nitche. Some people just take longer finding it...than others do. Don't be lazy, don't cheat your way to make a living....there is no pride in that. I wish for everyone to have a wonderful future. Many of my friends think I am foolish for wanting to move Here, to Phoenix AZ. Mostly my closest friends. I totally understand. But...there is so much here I want to be a part of. I haven't ever lived in another house since I was brought home 19 and a half yrs ago, let alone another State! and a State that is in fact 2,500 miles away! I'm ready to explore the possiblilities. I know why my friends and family are....upset with my feelings of this, but honestly...it isn't like I am GONE FOREVER. I would be back for major events, hands down! I could never just leave the way you think I would! Syracuse is always going to be home. It is what I know, you are who I know. Growing up there has been quite the experience, but I don't see a future for me. I can't stay home just because ppl will miss me or be afraid to lose me...I just need to do this for me. I have at least a year to think this through. I've been doing my homework on it. Please try and understand. I would never abandon the one place in the world that I have come to know so well. With people as wonderful as you. good night New York. I miss you all. I hope someone will comment. current mood:  peaceful
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I can't believe I've been in AZ for a week already! Time has really flown =). I feel so at home here too...I don't miss syracuse, I do miss my friends and family though. It is a different world here...in a way. I see so much opporitunity and a future in this city. (Phoenix). I don't see one at home. The city is growing, there is lots to do and see here. I already know of a few places I could get a job in....etc. I've been to ASU campus, saw a few other colleges too. Many around here. Yea, u can see where I'm going with this. But, we'll see... In other news, Jeremy, Jeremy's mothers boyfriend Darren and I went to Las Vegas on Wednesday. It was about a 4 and a half hr drive, but it was well worth it. On the way there.. u could see many things. mountains, cactus, etc. We drove through ontop of the Hoover Dam. That was fun. We got Las Vegas BLVD on the video cam, so Ally and anyone else who would like to see what we saw, is more than welcome to watch it when we get back next Sunday. Next week we r going to the Grand Canyon. Should be fun. And some bad news....my mother informed me of something really bad. Something is...Stolen, and I already have a goooooooooooood idea who it was. but, I'm not about to name anyone, cuz..well, lord knows I would hate to be accused of something like this...when I really didn't do it. u know? Either way, this will get settled. I know it. I miss u all. sending post cards soon! bye =) current mood: calm
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AZ rocks! I don't have much time to say anything, just wanted to say hi and that everything is going well thus far =). we r going out to dinner soon so I have to keep this short. Ally, I called ur house but u weren't there, and I won't be calling Jay's anymore to see if ur there. k? Love ya. ttyl. current mood:  hungry
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byeeeeeeeeeeeee guys ;)
current mood:  cheerful
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So work last night was alright....ppl at work want me to call them and send them a post card while I am "away". They said they'll miss me. Actually, I think they were pretty sincere about that. One of the new guys that works with me is jealous because I'm going there, because he said he has lived there before. He told me I will have a great time and it is very different than here. Can't wait! My friend Joe stopped by the store last night while we closed. I made him a sub and he waited around for me to drop my co-worker Johanna at the bar that is like 2 blocks away. So Joe met up with Jer and I at my house around 10 pm because he has to work tonight and won't be able to say "goodbye" tonight. I can't believe how many ppl r actually going to "miss me in action". lol.. I am so excited because: I've never been this far away from home in my life, Never been to this sort of climate, and never been away from the rents this long! that is just so..AHHHHHHHHHHH =). exciting! I'm allllllll packed up....Gas is in the car... My only problem is the fact I have to work 4-close..grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. that is no one's fault though. *We leave at 4am for Buffalo, (flying out of there is cheapest). Flight leaves @ 7:20 am. then we have to change planes in Cleveland OH, then on to AZ. Then we should be there around 10am, Arizona time. lol. I'll call ya, or I'll send u a post card guys! I'll miss you all! =) current mood: cheerful
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Arizona in less than 18 hrs! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! =)
current mood:  excited
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¿quién lee mi diario? Quiero saber! Porque estoy curioso justo. =P. no me gusta escribir en inglés. ¿por qué? ¡No sé! ¿puedes leer este mensaje? si puedes leer este mensaje, escríbame por favor! quiero más comentarios! =) current mood:  bouncy
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I feel like shit. We seriously need some rain. I thought I was gonna pass out driving cuz of the muggyness. yyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuukkkkkkkkkkkkkkk =(
current mood:  drained
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Ich will dass ihr mich versteht. Versteht ihr mich? Keine Sonne die mir scheint ...=( current mood:  blah
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ur not my friend, u can't be. I won't feel guilty for ur sake. nope. forget it. fuck off. at least if I move away, u won't wish for me to die. right? current mood: enraged. | |
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RaDiaNtRiNgLeTz: I'm going to AZ on Friday! acepilotmaveric: ffor how long acepilotmaveric: ha RaDiaNtRiNgLeTz: 2 weeks. acepilotmaveric: o wow cool acepilotmaveric: have fun RaDiaNtRiNgLeTz: been planning on this for quite awhile. RaDiaNtRiNgLeTz: can't believe its less than 4 days:-) acepilotmaveric: yay hehe acepilotmaveric: u goin with jeremy? RaDiaNtRiNgLeTz: yep acepilotmaveric: very cool acepilotmaveric: wait just u 2? acepilotmaveric: for 2 weeks? acepilotmaveric: damn! RaDiaNtRiNgLeTz: yep. acepilotmaveric: thats a lot of sex! current mood: amused
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Working 8:30-3 today....and after I'm goin to Oneida Lake w/ Jer and Aaron. =). be back wayyyyyyyyyyyy later. current mood: awake
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God I don't feel so well this morning...=(. figures, of course it has to be the 4th of July, but hey, at least I won't feel any womanly pains for the 2 weeks I'm gonna be in AZ w/ my love. =). Yesterday, Ally and I went shopping. Actually, it was her idea to go to Victoria Secret. So we did, and come to find out the whole front of the store was 50% off! holy shit. I got 4 items for only 23.60$. lol. Great idea Ally, even though u didn't get anything u wanted from there. Yea yea, so I did some "bare essentials" shopping yesterday for AZ. =P. I have a few surprises now for Jeremy..when we get down there, (but of course he doesn't know that) ;). hahahaha. Well anyways..I gotta go find something to do before this holiday gets really started. ciao for niao folks. current mood: awake
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